Just got home from the bars......

Well I first want to start off by apologizing to the someone who was mentioned in the last post. I got a little carried away with some of the details, and some people were able to figure out who it was. I did not want that to happen, I need to be more careful when venting.

I was out at the bars with friends tonight and it was a good time compared to what I have experienced in the past. Because I dont drink It is weird to compare my experience at the bars with that of others. I like observing the things that happen. Even when we were leaving the house we were at before the bars I knew it was going to be a night of competition between guys. There were pretty much 3 guys who were all after the same girl the whole night. I thought it was hilarious to see. Especially because one of the guys had another girl who seemed to practically be throwing herself at him. I love how guys whine about girls so much at the bars when they pretty much give girls all the power. Guys are almost willing to do anyhting for a girl that the meet out at the bars. I think its funny but thats just me. I might be lonely but I am not desperate, at least I can claim that.

Even back at the house before we went out to the bars there were pretty much two girls, and both were flirting with all of the guys there. I think its weird how when a guy flirts with a girl it can really have no effect, but when a girl flirts with a guy the guys just are suddenly really into that girl. I am guilty of thinking this, luckily I was really just not in the mindset of that tonight, otherwise I would have gone for the girl who was back at the house before. I just dont like the whole situation of going out and trying to impress girls all in one night, I guess I prefer to work more slowly, not that what I have done in the past works. I think that both sides put undue pressure on it all and that just messes it all up. I think that so many people waste time out at the bars trying to meet someone special when i highly doubt that is where you are going to find someone you really wnat to be with in an actual relationship.

I have to mention how funny it is to see these guys all going for the same girl like when one of them left to get her a drink another one cut in and started dancing with her, when the guy got back with the drink he looked just so demoralized. Of course he didnt lose hope because of this.

The three guys tonight, I am guessing, were chasing this girl for something short term, maybe just tonight or maybe a little bit longer than that, but still spending so much time working on something, and then when you get it you just push it aside and wait for the next one. This definitely can have a very negative effect on the female side of it too, assuming that all guys are like that, but once again I need to stop complaining about the way things are. Watching all of this transpire tonight ironically made me glad that I am not that lonely or desperate. I guess for once I am proud of myself.

Not doing so hot

Lets just say that I have a feeling that this is going to be a very negative and down blog post, so readers be warned. My main problem is with this same girl that I have been stuck on for quite a while. This is really just going to be me ranting and whining so you are once again warned.

It obviously doesnt work as us being just friends, She still likes me and I still like her we have given in to hand holding a few times and well that is big for me. It seemed to be a big step for her too. But after this she rejected me, then we did that again and she rejected me again, we took some time off and tried to be friends. We actually repeated this again where we took like a month off not talking to each other and tried to be friends again and guess what we are collapsing again. But I guess she would rather not be friends at all than even give something more a try. Its not like im trying to convince her to marry me. I will never be convinced until we give it a try. We tried her idea and guess what it didnt work either time. I guess I just want closure like many people wold but she just wont even consider it. This is really just starting to get to me. I guess I just dont get it. I dont get how someone can go through all of this and when the plan fails not be willing to try something else. I will be very sad when she decides we cant be friends but I wont have a choice to do anyhting else. I live in a world driven by logic and the illogical nature of this just bothers me. I really think that she is more afriad that she would be happy than she is that it wouldnt work. I guess someone being happy would be a terrible thing. I realize that I am probalby coming across as being lonely, but I have really worked to try to find someone else so that i could at least move on and in comparison no one else even comes close. I have more fun doing nothing with her than I have doing anyhting with anyone else. There is an inexplicable connection that we have both professed to feeling. In my mind at least it is more than just a crush. I have had crushes and they dont last like this. I guess i just dont know what to do. Anyone with any advice please let me know. I am willing to listen to any ideas.

Take it easy

Back at it again

Well it has been a while since I wrote a blog entry and I feel bad not having kept people up to date in my life. A lot has happened in the past month or so. I graduated from college. I took a bit of a vacation from work while being home for the holidays. I got to relax some but in the very near future I will be working 40-50 hours each week so it was good to have some time to relax.

I officially have a job starting on tuesday with the Eau Claire Small Business Development corporation that will take up my mornings 3 days a week. It is something that I would like to experience because I think this is something that I might want to do as a career. I will be starting out doing some data entry work which is more than ok with me and I will move on to do some counseling as well as work with ideas for programs and pamphlets for education. I am really looking forward to the experience.

I just have to find a way to make this a downer i guess haha. I have been lonely lately just longing to have someone in my life. I know its sad and i really shouldnt worry about it, but I guess I just cant help it at this point in my life. Is love really too much to ask for?

Well moving on I have once again begun playing World of Warcraft, and I think it is actually a good choice, because it occupies my brain a lot so I dont worry about that previous thought. I also like it because I get to spend time with many of my friends, even if it is online. I just enjoy the game and yes i realize that makes me a geek or nerd or whatever you want to call me.

Well there was more that I wanted to add to this but I really cannot remember what I wnated to write about.

Take Care